1.5 yrs later.

So, I hesitated writing with residency and all. But, for right now, I am at this point where I want to rebuild things in a way. A new year. The last year and a half was hard, honestly, but also a time of tremendous growth for me, and I do think that a part of me is in this great place in my life. I didn't think my job would be as hard as it is in some ways, but I'm also not doing myself any favors because, frankly, I haven't been great at taking care of myself.

So, the plan is to revisit my routine. Probably move the workouts in the morning. When I get to the gym in the evening, I am generally too stressed to do anything other than elliptical-veg out in front of the TV. That ain't how you build muscles, speed, learn to run, etc.

In the evening, it'll be a class or two. Russian cooking. I love to eat, and I love russian food, and it would be a great place to meet russian-oriented people. Drawing. There are these beautiful paintings that are in front of the neuroscience hospital, and theres a 50/50 chance of me stopping for a moment and just wanting to paint and missing art.

Also, I would love to start writing more. My only outlet at this point are my patient's notes, and, well, I dooooo get compliments on this, but ultimately, it's not exactly the best outlet for creativity. Although, there is something very special about capturing someones inner workings perfectly in written form. Hmm.

I went to a few art galleries/museums in the past month or so. It's the most calming thing, and yet, I'm so hesitant. What if its a disappointment? I rather know that there is something but I'm just not seeing it, rather than there being nothing. But anyways, they all had a few wonderful pieces in it, so theres that.


I've been rather anxious, probably because I am doing just about nothing for myself. Also, its hard beyond hard to be able to talk to people when, really, there is just nothing to talk about.

Work-wise, its special in a lot of ways. I've really been there for some people, you know? But I also am not this all-powerful being who can just fix fix fix everything, so it's not like its magical and glittery all of the time. Take it or leave it, I do really feel for everyone, and at times I can really put myself in it in this way that I know they appreciate. But, still, I think about 75% of the time I feel utterly incompetent and worried about everything. Eh. Better to feel too incompetent than not incompetent enough I guess.

Ok, out. Going to actually interact with the world today, perhaps.