Recent Purchases

Silk Madewell Shirt for Interview Suit:  I love it. It feels wonderful and makes me look like I might be a trustworthy person. (maybe). I like the navy so much better, but my suit is black, so we settled on this.

This is pretty similar to a dress I bought for the preinterview dinners. 




And this IS the dress. Yay. I <3 it.


  

 I didn't see or buy this, but I LOVE it in the picture. 
I guess I need the belt too!

Research Month

Well, it's not a 40 hour a week productive thing as I was secretly hoping it would be (I have this curse of doing tons of research with different people and never getting published. Because I am inherently too lazy to push it to publication. So this was going to be my chance! Except I remain lazy).

But I'm doing okay with it.

Yesterday I went shopping! With my mom (she is a weirdo...). So 97% of it was utter embarrassment as she told the saleslady that my legs were too fat, freaked out about nothing ("you need to wear WHITE SHIRTS to interviews, WHY are you looking at colors?"), and following me around from two feet away (which wouldn't be that bad, except I am an epic zigzagger when I shop). BUT, the other 3% were filled with her buying me over-priced awesomeness (love?) so that was pretty cool.

Apparently Madewell is totally awesome when you ignore the price tag. And utterly replaces Anthro as lust-fest, officially.
The things I bought aren't online yet, sadly... but should be one day?

Interviews!

Are terrifying. Yes. They are.

The good news is that it will entail me getting out.of.here (maybe), which is what I (maybe) superwant.

I went to whole foods today and did my "quick food" spree. Ugh. Frozen meals, bars, etc. I will cherish the day where I just live a stable life with a stable job and the time to cook and go to the gym enough.

Speaking of the gym, I am badddd. I took "a break" and now running a mile is challenging. But, oh well, I can't do anything other than pick myself up. I am considering signing up for the NY Half Marathon, just to give myself a goal. It's in march so not too bad, but also three days after the match, and maybe I will be in a puddle of tears at that time and not really into running a half marathon. Especially considering how on todays mile-venture I told myself that I hate running and any other future-Anna "no you don't" realization is just a lie. Hmm.

OKAY. Well. Interviews are actually really fun. And there is one that I am SO excited about and drool so much over and probably won't get, but maybe there is a 0.05% chance that my life will be awesome one day and that is cool. And, it's in a location that will be super fun to visit. Yes. I am jinxing.

Also, in other real news, I am stressed out as shit and I feel like no one cares, and, that may not be true, but it's making things kind of lonely? Though relationshipy thing is going super.well (a huge huge first for me).... it's not his place to be my rock. Yet. I don't know if that makes sense. Whatever, done... maybe something better one day.

Holy Break

Oops.
Well, I did a Psych ER rotation in an AMAZING west coast hospital, and a Psych Consult-Liason in superbusy INSANE New York hospital in the interum. LOVED West Coast, hated New York hospital. I have psych inpatient (again) at a different New York hospital next.

Regrets: Not doing an elective in something more interesting (addictions, forensics, child/adolescent). Though I did see forensic patients on CL. And addictions cases on ER and CL. But, you know...

I applied to 35 programs. Hahaha oops. But it means I am getting more interviews than annoying-kids-at-school (who applied to a normal amount of programs in a much more competitive field), which makes me feel super cool. Plus, the only reason I know where they get invites at is because they update their facebook with it constantly. Booyah.

Relationship hasn't gotten fucked up yet! Its almost been three months. That's an epic world record for me.

I am kind of sick, in that I'm stuffed up and energy-less. Normally I would be running around and being unfocused but this seems like a much better idea.

Today I made apple pie! Two of them. I am going to Bubby's Pie Social tomorrrow (you bring pies and donate money, those who dont bring pies donate more money, it all goes towards education which I love love love). You know how ridiculously time-consuming it is to core, peel, cut, slice 9 trillion pounds of apples? Very.

YAY

PSYCH AI is wonderful. Minus the part of my team only having six patients and most of them being homeless hostile paranoid schizophrenics. BUT, whatever, I am comfortable enough around them and that is a subset of the psych population that I will always have to deal with.

There is one with a personality disorder (not her main diagnosis, but possibly her main issue) and my goal for next week is to work with her a bit more. How? I have NO clue. I guess I will perhaps attempt to, you know, read something. Like, on Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

So what was this about the wonderful weekend?
RELATIONSHIP for the first time in over THREE YEARS.
Holy crap. This is fun and exciting and I wake up in the morning different. Like, perhaps, there is hope for the future....

I am overwhelmed though; the AI is harder than I thought (10 hour days), the film class requires four more papers in the course of three weeks, and I'm taking STEP 2 CS in a week and two days. (And I am BAD BAD BAD at standardized patient exams).

But, overwhelmed in a great way? By all of the things I love (minus CS)?

Hopefully CS isnt as big of a deal as I am making it out to be?

Mushroom Veggie Burgers & Pulp Fiction

This weekend has been very kind to me. Yes indeed.

I am in the midst of making Mushroom Veggie Burgers (recipe below) and starting on my Pulp Fiction essay. 

The movie was pretty good but I guess it's a bit too late to see how groundbreaking it was. I wasn't blown away because after seeing movies that were influenced by Pulp Fiction (in terms of non-linear structure), it doesn't seem like a huge deal. That and movies are far less fun when they are viewed for a class. A fun class, but still a class.

I am wicked wicked wicked hungry though. These babies are in the oven now & I will eat them & it will be wonderful. 

Also day 1 of my psych acting internship tomorrow! I will pretend I know what I'm doing. I should probably contemplate opening a book.....?  

Chicago Diner Mushroom Burgers
Adapted from Recipezaar and The Non-Dairy Queen

This recipe is Vegan, Nut-Free, Soy-free, and of course Dairy-Free. It is also very low in fat and has a wonderful flavor. The texture ends up firm on the outside, and a bit softer in the middle, much like an Amy's Bistro Burger.

• 1 cup diced roasted red peppers or 3 stalks celery, diced
• 1 cup diced onion
• 1/4 cup soy sauce or tamari
• 2 teaspoons onion powder
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• salt to taste (optional, but a do recommend a wee bit)
• 3 cups quick or rolled oats
• 4 cups diced mushrooms (portobello, cremini, button, or a combination)
• 1/2 cup whole wheat flour

Bring 4 cups water, roasted red peppers or celery, onion, soy sauce, onion powder, garlic powder, pepper, and salt to a boil in a pot over medium heat. Reduce heat to medium and simmer 5 minutes. Stir in the oats, mushrooms, and flour and cook 5 minutes more. Transfer to a bowl and chill.

Preheat oven to 350°F; coat a baking sheet with cooking spray or line it with a silpat. Shape mixture into patties and bake on prepared baking sheet for 15 minutes. Flip and bake 10 more minutes. Cool.

Heat grill to medium-high. place foil on grill and coat with cooking spray. Grill burgers on foil for 7 minutes per side.

Yields 8 burgers

FOURTH YEAR. Yes.

Done with ER!
Although I've been officially a fourth year for six weeks now, and ER was wayyyy lighter than any 3rd year rotation (minus family med...), I am finally going to be doing the things that I want to do. Yes!

I start off with a month of the psych ward at my school, then a month of psych ER (favorite place ever) at a nice west coast program, a month of consult psych at a huge NYC hospital, and then the last month is up in the air.
Following that is a month of "research" (from home....), and 2.5 months of vacation. A winter vacation instead of a summer one? It will be spent interviewing and such. [I anticipate applying to University of Hawaii? Sorry future-me who has to repay the loans].

BUT, for now, SO MUCH CLEANING. I am gross when I am stressed out and can just put it off. But, I'm making headway.
Tasks (progress)
+ Laundry (folded, needs to be put away, three triple loads though...)
+ Dishes (mostly done)
+ Declutter (made vast progress but this will never be cured)
+ Put new sheets on (not vital, so whatever)
+ Clean cage (next)
+ Patient logging (UGH)
+ Get west coast school to send me the email so that I could buy plane tickets (they said they would.... 45 minutes ago)
+ Crickets for gecko (done yesterday)
+ Set up new water bottle (done)
+ Water the plants (done)
+ Replant one of the plants (eh)
+ Face scrub (later... after a run?)
+ Run
+ Take trash out
+ Clean out fridge (ideally before I take the trash out).
+ Bathroom/Kitchen/Mopping/ETC (UGH)

I should have taken before and afters but that would have been far too embarrassing. (Sorry roommate for having to live with me).

The one I want to get done the most (westcoastschool) is the one I have no control over. Two phone calls and an email, come onnnnnn send me a one line email so that I feel a-okay about spending $600 on a flight before the prices go up. Also, email me that list of housing?

DEEP BREATH.

I also have nothing to wear tonight. My nice newly laundered clothes need to air-dry. I did save a pink dress shirt tunic-y thing from antho but the leggings aren't dry. Oh wellllll I will just wear wet leggings?

I found the cutest shoes at urban the other day and didn't get them because they were a touch too.... urban and now there is VAST regret. Maybe they'll still be there tomorrow? Maybe. Please?

Maybe I'll take a photo of what my outfit becomes & post it like all the cool kids. Maybe.

Song of the day is Small Brown Bike- Safe in Sound. I love them. As was embarassingly noted before.

Things are picking up! Yay.

ER exam on friday and then not touching a stethoscope until February. Yes, brilliant brilliant brilliant.
(Minus boards and clinic).

Off for a quick run, yeah.

I am in the midst of watching the Matrix for film class. (I wrote school and then had to edit! I wish this were my school). So, I HATED it when it first came out (11 years ago, I am an old lady). At that point I tried to watch it three times and fell asleep each and every time. So, awesome, you jerks are making me write a paper about the screenplay. I actually half-heartidly am making it through (with a nap in the middle, but that was okay with the three hours of sleep and all thing).
I don't like it. And I do not want to read and write a paper about it, but I dug that grave.

School-wise, I have one more ER shift (yes!) and a day of lectures and patient-logging (ugh ugh ugh) and an exam on friday. I have studied veryyyyyy little this month, which is probably not good. So, I am scared! And overwhelmed a touch.

The difference between this rotation and the other ones are that a) I've had all of third year, I kind of vaguely know shit about everything, and b) I worked with the best-resident buddy everrrrrr so it was rather okay. Early on last year I declared that residents are NOT going to be my friends after an obgyn one was REALLY really mean. (Well, I had a psych resident friend! But, besides that...). I've (finally) come around. He is great. We joke around all day and learn and its so much more bearable this way. (I want to be that kind of resident one day).

This weekend was filled with loads of wedding things. It was super super fun for 99% of the time. I have never seen a good friend be that happy and fullfilled and I have never looked as awesome in my life (yay professional hair & makeup!). Yet it was a touch difficult for a moment. Every last one of my friends is in a serious relationship. Or has been recently, or can be, or something that makes it different (in only my mind) from my situation. And, even if I can do anything and everything else perfectly, all my mom wants is for me to get my shit together in that regard (she should probably stop making it so apparent, or I should milk it further... ie "buy me clothes to help win 'em over"). And, I'm not really all that stressed about if for myself, but I do have this drive to please her, and it's overwhelming sometimes.

But, I caught the bouquet, so, yay? (Fat chance its legit though haha).

UM. I feel like fourth year will REALLY start next week and that is super exciting. I want to cook super yummy awesome things then!

Weekend updates

As per usual.

I started my day off with a bag of blueberry soy crisps, which my parents brought me last night. Then I had coffee, watched Royal Tenebaum's, drank coffee, worked on the Royal Tenebaum paper (ie re-read the script as I did it), and then went for a nice run with a friend. The RT paper is almost done, I just need another paragraph or two to close it up, but I couldn't look at it anymore.

The run was on the waterfront. An indian wedding was going on, with music and horses and stuff. AND there was the redbull air show, but it didn't start yet though there were tons of boats, yachts, jetskis, and kayaks on the Hudson waiting for it.

Now I'm watching Choke, mostly so that I can return it and get the Matrix in time for next week's paper. It's pretty good, and short (90 mins).

I DIG the film class though. I haven't felt this calm and unstressed in forever. It very nicely balances out the med-school-stint. Though it remains a touch overwhelming, but I think it's worth it. I'm just not all that sure as to what I'm doing in the fall regarding it.

Boring.

Nothing too exciting. I have done 2 ER shifts so I only have 8 more to go. Personally, I don't mind it, but I don't like it. I want it to end and to start my 4 months of psych.
I am in the midst of trying to secure away rotation spots and it's not going ideally, but there are a few schools that I'm waiting on so hopefully there will be some good news this week. (Honestly, I like my school but I want something new).

Um. Other than that, I've not done much. I did my usual drink-a-lot thing on friday, which accomplished the task of not being able to think for a few hours. I haven't worked out since... tuesday. Yikes. So, we need to get back to that this week, like woah.

I (mostly) wrote a paper on Thelma and Louise and who the protagonist is and all that. Cliche as shit, but, it works.

Ok Im obviously exhausted so this will end. YEP.

My new child

I love you!

(They were 80% off).

Marc Jacobs is my favorite designer BY FAR and this is the first of his that I own.

They are comfy as hell & adorable & match EVERYTHING. Sort of.

Film class & school are going well. Film class moreso. But, school has been chill so far, which is all I want. The hours are a bit of an adjustment though.

7.5 miles is approximately what I ran.... mapmyrun said 7.73, but i'll err conservatively.

YAY, that is cool.

first day of fourth year!

It actually wasn't awful. Parts of it were, like the sitting still and paying attention thing, but overall it was just that and not much thinking. I'm on ER now, but the first few days are life support certification and orientation and lectures. I like the set hours a lottttttt though. Surprises and uncertainty in the context of hospitals are not my cup of tea, even remotely.

I'm about to go for a long run (is it bad that I don't want to?) and maybe go buy shoes and THEN.... FILM CLASS. Script Analysis at the New School. So ridiculously excited. It capped and filled at 18, so there are SEVENTEEN people that I will meet that are into film and that is cool. Plus, obviously, learning more about film will be great.

Running wise, I've kept up in an okay manner; I had exams and vacation so it wasn't perfect, but it was okay. BUT my time keeps steadily dropping so that means I'm doing something right at least. I'm contemplating a half marathon in a few months.... Maybe. I think I do far better with distance and would rather have a mediocre 13 mile time rather than an awful 3 mile time, but, I'm also not the biggest fan of anything over 6 miles. Or, over 4, really. We'll see, its in the end of september.

back in action!

Aruba was incredible. Just what I needed. To my surprise, not that much drinking ensued; I was too busy doing active things like running, hiking, swimming (a ton), snorkeling, jetskiing (favorite!) and just general exploring. And, eating amazing food. Truffles for the first time! They were tasty. More importantly, I spent the time with four incredible and hilarious friends and was laughing for 90% of the trip. (The other 10% was me being slightly concerned about the safety of my life....).

There was a moment where I was swimming in the ocean, where everything was just so perfect, and bam, epiphany that I should never ever be stressed out. Ever.

 

we swam to that deserted island! 

Upon my return, I went on late-night new york adventures. I guess I don't feel like the night is complete if it doesn't end with the sun rising? Maybe that's a habit I need to kick. Or not.

I also finally went back to the Museum of Modern Art after a FULL YEAR lapse. The design and architecture floors were largely new at least! And the Jackson Pollock security guard is new, so no more pesky "you are too close to the 80 million dollar painting" remarks. But, overall it was just okay. It holds too many landmark paintings and not enough new weird shit. The food however, is my love.

THEN, I went gallery hopping in Chelsea. It was incredible, each and every time I leave totally blown away. There were two exhibitions that I LOVED.
1) Piet van den Boog at the Mike Weiss Gallery 
Description & Photos: much better description than I could ever write. Let's just say that these paintings are detailed to precision and are ratherrrrrrr large.

2) A video installation by Darren Almond titled "Sometimes still"
Once again, I am bad at writing... But, you walk in and it's dark and there are 5-6 big huge video screens and they show different things. I took it as a creepy man walking in the dark in the woods (but all the trees are illuminated to great detail). A few of the screens were just the trees, 1-2 are people walking or lighting fires. It looked religious-ish, and I was right, it's about a monk making a vast vast journey to enlightenment.

Okay, now off to whole foods to buy yummy yummy things!

mmm vacation, cont.

YES. 

I saw Breaking Upwards yesterday and it was utterly brilliant. I possibly say that about everything I watch, but this was EXTRA utterly brilliant. MEGA. So good. It was hilarious, and not in the typical "wow I have a really sick sense of humor because no one else seems to be laughing when things are going horribly".  (But you gotta be able to laugh when everything is awful! maybe?). 

TRAILER!

Anyways, this couple decided to test the idea of breaking up by having "on days" where they were together, and "off days", when they were not. It was actually loosely based off the actors/writers real life experiment with using on and off days. But, loosely from what I gather. The character development and acting was phenomenal, with every little moment of time in this film being put to good use. The lady's mother was a hottie single NY pot-smoking hilarity, the fella's mom was an anxiety crazylady (and hilarious). It was more comedy then drama, which is exactly how I like it. My favorite line was "how did you know that?" "because I'm educated.....". Hehe, yes. 

There were a few things I would have edited out though, but perhaps that is me just being a control-freak. 

UM. I also bought a lot of things at Urban Outfitters & Anthro the past few days. Yikes. But they are cute things so its okay! Including a..... dun dun dun.... bathing suit. This happens very rarely. I have a photo of me in it actually, but we won't be doing that on the internet. I also got THREE DRESSES. Fuck. Um. And four pairs of earrings. That I won't lose this time...?

Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Down Boy  is lovely.

I finally finished a million exams. Or three big ones. I am rather elated. Though also a bit sad at how awful I have been at handling stress lately. I think its largely because my usual strategies are just too far gone that late in the year. My non-school friends have largely moved away, I haven't taken an art class since the winter, etc.

On friday a bunch of classmates and I drank. Like fish. We all smiled a lot.

Saturday was a lot of "oh, wow, so this is what it feels like to have a brain tumor". And, long walk in manhattan, indie film, and vicky-fest. We ate waffles, and pizza, and went to target. And napped.

Indie film was Daddy Longlegs, it was quite great. I can't fucking write reviews. Basically, the main actor was the director of Frownland, which was what completely started my love of gritty weird 35mm indie films, so for that purpose alone it was something I had to see. And I just love COMPLEX movies. Where some fucking TIME was put into developing the characters. So Daddy Longlegs didn't disappoint. It was a tale of a divorced "unconventional" father getting his kids for two weeks, and he LOVES those kids to bits and pieces but is also kind of a terrible father in certain regards, but so so perfect in other regards. I mean, perfect. Yet, terrible. He'll do anything to make them happy and discipline them when appropriate and just generally does things for their best interest 90% of the time. But when he fucks up, he fucksssss up.

Okay I am bored.

Today we hiked and played with baby sheep. Yes. And alpacas.

Less Than Jake, The Rest of My Life  is pretty great.

I have done almost 2000 practice questions for this awful exam. When I look at it like that, maybe THATS why I have been totally unable to focus lately.
Friday marks the end of this (oh-so-miserable) academic year (followed by a 2 week summer break).


When I am done with this crap, I shall be doing things like 
+ Reading Unhooked.
+ Finishing (restarting?) Lolita.
+ Aruba
+ Drinking, to excess. Its been I think forever. We will start with champagne.
+ Running, I guessssssssss. The drinking takes priority though.
+ Avoiding hospitals, for as long as possible, hopefully successfully.
+ Sleeping. Though I am no stranger to that lately.
+ OH! Interacting with people. YES.

two.more.days.

Isolation Experiment

Is a fail.

I thought I would study better at my parents house while they are gone, because it is quieter, and people are more settled, and there is absolutely nothing else to do, but really, not so much is getting learned. Because the internet still exists. (And because I don't care). Oh wellllllll.

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2010/05/small_brown_bik_2.html

So this thing got quoted, which is terrifying as shit. Maybe some people would be happy about that, but not I. It's not meant to. But it DID get me thinking about the purpose of this. Maybe it's time to actually put half an ounce of effort in, especially now that school will essentially be a complete joke starting 3 days from now. I mean, I CAN write, when I don't just try to get it out as quickly as I can, press the magic button, and expel it from my memory. (To make room for boring things). And originally, this WAS meant to have an element of "wow I am not totally and utterly embarassed by it".

Though that would also entail me whining less (and NOT writing about awkward things?). How hard can that be? And probably writing less, or having photos as a means of the illusion of that I can actually shut the fuck up, for a moment.

Yes, it seems not plausible.

But, maybe the quick-lets-get-it-out things can be made private? I just hate internet comments, really.

In other news, I am totally eyeing Script Analysis. Too bad I absolutely do not have $700. And should probably stop plotting ways to make it possible.

Vacation or study-fest?

I am treating it as a weird combination of the two.

I have three exams this week and a mini study period extending from today through wednesday. But, lets backtrack.

On friday I saw small brown bike in NY at the Cake Shop in the Lower East Side. I don't know why, but I was going into it a bit upset, a bit stressed out, a bit not ideal. (I think it started bc I wasn't sure I was going to make it but I got out of the hospital in time). I decided to walk there from the PATH train (1.4 miles apparently) in order to just calm down a little. I passed the old CBGB's site on the way, which is now a clothing store. It was like a punch to the jaw. Like a fuck this, I am moving out of this area, it's too commercial, too fake, too superficial.

Fine. I walk to the Cake Shop. The entry level is a vegan bakery and bar, the downstairs is the music. The 2nd of 4 bands was on and they were SO GOOD. Like, blown away. They are called Your Skull My Closet. I knew about 5 minutes in that this would be a special show. Then Bridge and Tunnel came on and were also insanely amazing. THEN small brown bike come on and was perfect. One of the best shows ever. They haven't playing in NY in 7 years and the show was sold out and it was a small venue so everyone was packed and excited and so nice. It was also a TRILLION degrees in there and we all just bonded over it. PLUS the sound system was phenomenal, something I've come to appreciate a bit more with age. Really wonderful show, one of the best I've ever been to.

My thing against NY is that it always seems like everyone is leading these perfect carefree lives. Everyone is rich and skinny and successful and has loads of free time and friends and relationships. Not that this is the definition of carefree, but, for some reason it's easier to pick up on those things and just get a bit scuffed by it all. So on the way back, it was weird! Girls crying, couples fighting, guys being skeevy. Like, just a 'oh, these people also have struggles'. It made me reconsider my fervent desire to leave NY as well.

Then, Saturday I went to a good friends bridal shower, which was so much fun. I ate a lot of fruit and girl chatted a bit and all that. As jaded as I am, I LOVE good happy relationships that progress and that bring out the best in the couple. I love the sense of calm in my friends face.

There was cake and cookies and cheese all over the place and I behaved like a normal person. I stuck with the fruit and tomatoes moreso, but still indulged, and stopped when I was no longer hungry. It's all of these little things that I just don't take for granted, I guess.

Then I studied...

Sunday, studied.some.more, then went to the gym and did 4 miles in under 40. YES. I have been a bit erratic with the running (but kept up the 4/wk thing!) so this was a nice surprise. I played a fun game of alternating the speeds a lot (I was on the treadmill). At first every half a mile, up until mile 2.5, where it was up 0.1 mph for every 0.1 miles, until I hit under a 9 minute mile, then it was back down slowly, until I got to a 10min mile and just finished with that. It was a ton of fun!

THEN I went to see small brown bike in DC. Yes. I am trying to fail out of school, I think. But moreso, I maybe have five things I regret in my life, and one of them is related to putting school above concerts. So, yeah. They were good and it was a calmer show and I had friends with me, which was super nice, but it was no epic NY show.

FINALLY, we are almost done. I am at my parents house in the suburbs while they are in Texas. Why? I have no idea, but I guess I'm morbidly curious as to what it's like to live alone in the suburbs? Or because it's peaceful as shit? [I had an awesome outdoor run!] Or, because I don't want to do deal with the hassle of parking, and noise, and my messy closet? Who knows, but we'll see how long this experiment lasts.

I saw 'everyone else'.

It was totally amazing and brilliant! I love reading movie reviews after the film as well, and ny times wrote a beautiful one.

It's about a young couple (ie mid stages of a relationship) that are having trouble moving forward, but also are in this beautiful relationship with each other. I can't explain! But they love and hate each other. The girl is far more desperate than the guy to feel secure in that he loves her (because he won't fucking say it, ugh) and just impulsively does little things to try to push him a bit. And sometimes he responds, and sometimes he doesn't.

The dialogue and subtly was great, it was artsy and slow in a beautiful way, it didn't have a discernable ending (yayyy), and just wasn't cliche even though it EASILY could have gone that route.

I feel so much better :)

The weather is amazing lately. And I have this weekend OFF.

Last weekend was a j-fest where I hung out with my middle/highschool BUDDY. We did our favorite thing: grab a fancy dinner with a split bottle of wine, go to the puppy store and play with a BITEY puppy, and then go shopping. (And then get a headache by midnight.....)

I bought this jacket in black. Not the best picture quality. I have been eyeing it since November but 140 seemed too much for fake leather, but it was on sale! yay.

I also went to muji and got more notebooks and pens that are my new favorites! And they are refillable, so maybe I wont spend $200 on pens in the next year. If I don't lose them. Which I will.

OKAY.

We have reached the 8 week mark of 4-5 day/wk gym-ness!! Yes.

This week was sucky though...

Sunday: run around the waterfront w a friend. maybe 2-3 miles?

Monday: TIRED.

Tuesday: well, my 6-1opm nap wasnt helpful....

Wednesday: spinning class. i hated it.

Thursday: didn't get home till 8, and, TIRED.

Friday: nap! then a 2 mile treadmill run. slowly.

Saturday (today..): 3+ miles faster awesomer around the waterfront.

So, not great, but considering how busy it was, I think I did well for myself. And I ate a salad everyday (i think)! Mostly because I was too lazy to make lunch and that is more or less the only edible thing in the caf.

I want to see 'everyone else' tomorrow. It's this german movie about a couple growing apart, which sounds rather lame and boring, but it got AMAZING reviews. Like, ridiculous ones. 100% on rotten tomatoes, ny times loves them, and so forth. So, I should just go and watch it.

www.ifccenter.com/films/everyone-else

LIFE: More freakouts. Apartment is set at least- we are staying month to month with the same rent on this one. Yay. We saw this wayyyy awesome one but it would only be about 60/mo cheaper, we would have to sign a 13 month lease, and, move. So, ultimately, no.

Today on my drive home from hospito I was actually in tears because I was just so frustrated with school/people/life. And, honestly, such a wonderful turn of events occurred because today turned out to be amazing. A high school friend of mine texted, we decided to go down to philly to see Thursday fairly last minute, we got so caught up in conversation that we just got lost. And it was really like 5 hours of talking, all in all, with a wondefulllll show interspersed in between. Amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0amAVKwF07M

I actually took a tiny bit of video but it's probably only something I would appreciate....

So, I thought about high school a lot, because that was the last time I saw them. That and some of their lyrics. "I don't want to feel this way forever". I guess I'm not the only one who has moments of frustration with how things are. So I thought about my dreams, and fuck, I'm doing damn well and have stayed damn true to myself in a med-school-world FILLED TO THE BRIM with annoying-shit. AND, get this, I think I made the right decision.

(I also thought about getting that line tattooed onto me...... )

GYM: 7 weeks! One good 10K and a faster 4mile run on treadmill, a shitty shitty 2 mile run on the waterfront (found a SWANKY path with million-plus-pier-condos though!), a fake yoga/pilates video (suckedddd), and a mediocre 4-5 miles in the park (with a break in the middle). So, not ideal, but I'll take it.

FOOD: okay, i need to restash my whole foods produce deliciousness tomorrow. mmmmm.

SCHOOL: oh.my.goodness. i am thankfully three weeks away from vacation-time though, which i should probablyyyy figure out.

WEE, update.

LIFE: I had minor freakouts this week, like the realization that I can't leave jersey city quite yet. At all. I mean, I knew this, but this was a "so mom, when I do away rotations and have to pay for rent in seattle/north carolina, want to pay my rent?" moment, which I absolutely did not want to do to her. But, I was crying, a lot, and maybe that's not good either. She replied with an extensive "if it means that you'll get a husband by being in a better area than my suburban house, then sure, but you need to take this seriously".

So, I'll take that as a yes? I don't know. She is a huge weirdo. So, now we are gonna look at a cheaper apartment a few blocks away. We have 5 days until we need to give our landlord a 1 month notice. Oh my goodnesssssss.

Also, the amount that I heartttttt my roommate and my friends is kind of great.

GYM: 6 weeks! Last week was all running, and it amounted to 15 miles. But, damn am I slowwwwww. One day. This week I need to do something other than just run though, probably.

FOOD: mmm. I am pretty good lately, but really, I can't cook anything that takes more than 5 minutes. One day....? (probably not).

SCHOOL: Fuck school. um, less than one more month of internal med. and i may be at the point in my studying that there's a chance of me not failing it, so, huge win.

In bed by midnight both weekend days. I figured taking a break and reflecting couldn't hurt.

I am stressed out to no end. Efffff. Why should I be though? I got a ton of work done. The project thats upcoming is definitely progressing along nicely, the usmleworld qbank is succumbing to my attacks.

Whatever.

I'm off to do an hour on the elliptical. I am too stressed out to run. I hate that! Hopefully tonight will be productive & i can calm down tomorrow. And watch Fargo, as that has been sitting on the coffeetable for weeks.

YEAH. In case it hasn't been noticeable, April has been a very very chill month. Wednesday half days, much of the work is classroom based (ie mindless), the patients and doctors I work with on tuesday and thursdays are my favoritest and its a PLEASURE going in. I actually feel okay about medical school and that I'm not swimming upstream, for once. It's so incredible.

(This will all change back in May & June though...)

The cons are once again, the dating scene. Now that I'm approaching three years without a real relationship, it sucks. I mean, I LOVE being single (& selfish!), but it just wears you down to not have someone to be intimate with emotionally. And, it wears me down because although I am dating, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and it seems like I'm doing it all wrong, and its frustrating as shit to constantly be fucking up with guys I LIKE. And it's annoying because I'm pretty optimistic and calm about everything else and I dont want to be that girl, you know? I hope residency offers a change of scenery or something helpful.

I am one day away from completing FIVE WEEKS of 5/wk workouts! I feel so so so much better and hope that I can maintain this as life gets more hectic (&miserable).

On monday I ran outside (as was written about). 4 miles apparently.

Tuesday was a quick indoor 2-miler in 20 minutes. Totally wasn't feeling it since it was after a 12 hour day.

Wednesday was my free trainer session at the gym, which was boxing. I LOVED IT. the time flewwww by. I know about uppercuts now!

Thursday was off. wednesday night may have consisted of whiskey shots....

Today was this weights/step/squats times a million class. It was torture, in the best way possible. I LOVED the instructor & should probably go every friday.

And look where I am today (friday) night. Doing usmleworld questions! Epic.

Tribeca Film Festival is coming up though! I couldn't go last year because of boards, but this year looks promising. I want to see the short films!

Other exciting May things include seeing Thursay and Small Brown Bike (I hope... this would depend on my call schedule) and two weeks of vacation (!!!). I need to plan that.

Also, I'm a bridesmaid! For a wedding in late June. So excited! (My mom however hates me for this, bc of the money aspect. What a party pooper!)

And, also, you know what though? In the past three single-years, I have learned so much and grown so much as a person and am at my awesomest, so maybeeeee I should just try to appreciate that. Or something.

Yeah I'm not really a blogger.

4 weeks of 5x/wk workouts though!

Running 4x & stairmaster/rowing machine combo 1x.

Today I ran outside and it was amazing. Lots of puppies out!

HOWEVER, with all of this, I am a bit stressed/feeling guilty about not focusing on school as much. Oh welllll.

Nothing eventful, really. Two dudes leave, two more cute guys in the horizon instantaneously. This is kind of cool for the "look I'm still young and awesome" but also annoying because the odds of either of them being legit is actually 0.

That and since I'm moving in a few months (:/ best roommate ever will be no more), and since the 4th years are moving in a month or two and will be MEGABUSY next year (it will suck. a lot. i have far more 4th yr friends than 3rd yr friends), I've been making it a point to spend as much time with everyone as possible. And recovering from those ventures. So no films... It's time to slow it down though.

Friday involved TWO house parties, yet still ended by 2. I drank 3 glasses of wine throughout the night, so not too bad.

This was to save my energy for the formal on saturday, where I may have had 3 drinks before dinner arrived. Oops. I mostly cut myself off after that. Though I missed desert because I don't really eat unhealthy things when I drink. It's kind of weird. So I got home at 1:30 and played with the rabbit and then talked my roommate into going to the bar down the street until we were the last ones there. And, sure, a tequila shot at 3am never hurt anyone, right? I'm sorry I do things like this to my body.

Then sunday was the yummiest brunch ever, except all I wanted to eat was carbs & butter. And a lot of them. Sigh. So lesson learned, I CAN undo a TON of gym-ness in 12 hours of time.

The Godiva was delicious! (Even better than my 85% dark chocolate? Maybe. That or I just needed something new).

I've been having actual weekends! With days off. PLURAL.

I completed three weeks of 5-a-week gym parties. I can now run 2 10-minute miles. And four miles in a bit under 11-minute miles. That's horrific compared to how awesome I used to be, but not bad considering how inactive I've been.

MOVIES. Um. I saw Wet Hot American Summer the other day. I need to watch all of the classics that I have never seen. Fargo and American Psycho need to be viewed next.

I also saw A Single Man. I was in tears by the end of the first line in that movie. Utterly brilliant amazing beautiful perfect movie. One of my now-favorites. And now we are up to three movies that have made me cry.

I went shopping and worked on my CV and caught up with friends. I need to study. I cannot wait for a point in my life when my weekends are pure carefree.

Yikes, NEGLECT.

I am on my internal medicine rotation and essentially I am BURNT to a crisp from medical school, but I feel better after having yesterday off and half of today off. By half of today off, I mean I worked 8 rather than my expected 13 hours.....

I saw Exploding Girl yesterday. I needed to do SOMETHING fun in the midst of a lot of cleaning/laundry/food shopping. The trailer is below, but I don't think it depicts this movie at all, really. There were certain things I LOVED about this movie, but also certain things that just annoyed me because it could be so perfect if there was just a bit more.... crust to it. A little less sweet.

So it's about this girl who comes home from her first year of college for the summer and her friend crashes at her apartment. All while her boyfriend from college (long distance) is getting deuchier and deuchier and she is being niceeeeee throughout the entire thing.

I LOVED it because there were lines in there that were straight out of my life, word for word. In a creepy way. (And I LOVED how an audience member said "deuchebag" to the screen when one of those instances was happening). And that's rather hard to depict in a film, I would think. But at the same time I don't think it lived up to the VERY high potential that it had. Still above average for a movie, but so close.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odwjZPKjyVo

I walked to and from the theater in VERY heavy rainfall and stopped by Whole Foods on the way back. Minus the excess rain, it was the perfect 4-hours... long walk through manhattan, passing the chair store (I loveeeee funky chair stores. they had a hanging one!), watching a quiet movie, buying groceries from whole foods, eating black bean soup upstairs, walking back, warm shower, etc, all while listening to good music w the headphones. Yay.

After I got home I went to the gym for a run. I love running but just dont do it enough because I am always too exhausted at the end of the day. It was just a 2.25 slow run, to ease into a hopefully run-full week.

Then I went to Madame Clause (http://www.madameclaudecafe.com/tour.htm), this beautiful reasonably priced homey french restaurant with my parents.

I had delicious french bread, then the Ratatouille & Goat cheese crepe with a salad followed by an apple tart topped with fresh homemade creme that we all split. So incredible.

We talked about the new gym that they joined (they go 5x week!) and, school... Better than them asking about whether or not I want to die alone, because if not, I should probably be a bit more on it....

They gave me a small box of Godivas. Usually I am a 85% dark chocolate gal but we'll give this a shot.

So my most hated part of school is putting in the patients I see under the patient log. Why can't I just check off if I saw a kid with asthma and not repeatidly enter his info over and over? WASTEOFTIME.

Fine. On saturday there was this lateeeee night after party (ie starts at 3am...) with the bestest DJ ever (seriously), and I went and I LOVEDIT. They have them from time to time and its this secret-y thing, with a small turnout (so everyone is WAY genuinely nice) and the drinks are cheap ($2.50 for a STRONG rum and coke) and its one of those things where my friends will make sacrifices to go to. It's also always one of those nights where I don't do regretful things because I am so genuinely satisfied with everything, and you just kind of wake up the next day with a smile. Also, I made friends (gay guy and a girl! we talked about boys and smoked cigarettes....oops. I hope I see them around).

So, didn't really fullfill my goal of not drinking this weekend, but, thats an okay exception.

For my lack of a valentine on vday, I made delicious stir-fry for my friends. Soba noodles, onions, frozen thai vegetable mix, chili sauce until the veggies turned red (mmmm), oil, and soy sauce. I also realized that a) I really genuinely love being single and b) I am adding "doesnt like spicy foods" onto my "things that will be a dealbreaker" list. Which probably has too much on it and may need some editing at some point. Maybe.

We had a snow day yesterday and a delayed opening today!

It's pretty great because I am 100% used to snow like that after four years of rochester and really didn't feel all that "unsafe" about coming in despite driving an OLD OLD vehicle with not the greatest traction/brakes, but hey, if everyone else is freaking out, then sure I'll go to the beer garden & neighborhood bar in anticipation, sleep in, read a bit about Russia (more to come....), watch In Treatment, go to the gym (ran 2 miles), go for an hour-long walk with my roommate (and chatted up our art teacher for a bit... lovehim), and watch Fish Tank.

I should have done a bit more work, but, well.... yeah.

The art class got cancelled, but last weeks painting is in my hands and I love it. I may take a picture of it to upload, but I kind of feel like a tool doing that.

In Treatment is getting a bit too much of the same, so I'm going to take a break from it for a week or so and watch Sex, Lies and Videotape this weekend.

Fishtank was pretty good, but I fell asleep during the last twenty minutes (fairly common theme for me) so I don't want to comment too much. I loved what I saw though, but not in a "BEST MOVIE EVER" type of way that I saw in some reviews I read. It's essentially a british 15-year old girl with a deucheeeeeeeeey mom (to put it lightly), and then her mom starts dating this wickedgoodlooking british guy. Then the guy goes after the daughter and then much drama unfolds. What I loved about it though, is that while they played the "lonely angsty teenager who doesn't think anyone cares", it was never overdone. All in all, I enjoyed it. But then again, I tend to find the good in any movie I see.

I realized that I have never said a movie was bad on this site, nor can I remember the last time that I HATED a movie that I picked to see (transformers and batman was a different story). So I guess I'm pretty selective about things and perhaps I do miss some good movies because I don't think I would like them. Hmm.

Oh well, 1.5 more days and then the weekend. Possibly a three day one! The hospital that I am at celebrates Presidents Day like a normal place of employment. But, my school doesn't, and I am technically held under my school's policies, and I will be in the ER anyways so there isn't the "but no one will come in" card. Hmm.

Oh boy.

The kids got me sick.

There is this one baby who I loveeeeedddd and it was totally an epiphany moment. It won't be until many years from now, but there is actually a chance that I will have a kid and that never felt that real until the little baby I was holding was just so perfect. I was staring and staring at himand then he fell asleep and then I was still staring in awe of how amazing every little thing about him was. How, even though I've known this little fella for a week, I would do so much to have his health improve and want the very very best for him. I can't even imagine what it's like when its your own child.

Anyways. This weekend was me being sick, so at least that kind of slowed me down a tiny bit. Though I can't sit at home for more than 7 hours without exhibiting hardcore cabin fever...

I saw Off and Running, which was a documentary about an African-American girl who was adopted by two Jewish lesbians. There are also two other adopted siblings and it was very interesting and well done.

I also saw Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (LOVE IT) and (500) Days of Summer (pretty good).

I am still watching In Treatment, I am about to finish disk 5 of 9 of the first season. It's such a tradition to watch five episodes every weekend and it's something I look forward to during the week. I guess I'll have to find another show to replace the void that will happen in a few weeks.

So much for trying to update more.

I saw In Search of Memory a bit ago, a documentary/memoir-ish about Eric Kandel, a nobel peace prize winner in medicine. He oversees this huge huge neuroscience book that I oggled in undergrad so it was very cool to see the man that I had a nerd-crush on for 5 years now. And, well, his lab basically made a ton of advances in the biological basis of learning and memory that you totally take for granted when you're a student. So awesome.

I also started my drawing/painting class and it's going so well! Maybe it was just one good day, but still. I love it.

As for school, I'm on the pediatrics inpatient ward. I actually really like pediatrics in an academic sense (kids are rather not straightforward medically), but I am not a fan of sick kids, some of which will never get better. But overall it's pretty okay, the residents ignore us a lot which has its good and bad points and I am much more with it and MUCH better at presenting/writing patient notes now so it's nice to feel half-competent for once. I still obviously have a hugely long way to go, but I'll bask in whatever sunlight I can find. I just wish the day didn't start with a 5:11am alarm clock....

It's around the time to come up with next year's schedule and that is terrifying. BUT, I have it vaguely figured out and it consists of a lot of psychiatry in various institutions if they take me (hoping for Columbia, NYU, and U Washington in Seattle), core requirements at my school (ER, Medicine, etc), and a month or two away helping people, and a few months of a wicked awesome backpacking trip. Yes. But..... this MAY likely entail me moving back home at some point in the year to make this financially feasible. We'll see.

STAYCATION CONT.

Day 1 and I was bored out of my mind, so I'm going to philly tomorrow! To see a friend from college. It's only $20 for a roundtrip ticket, and the time spent on the bus will keep me from spending far more money, probably.

Speaking of money spendage, I went to Muji this morning, which is this Japanese store that has everything. It's main focus is on compact organization and thus I bought notebooks (ruled, unruled), a sketchpad, a tape dispenser, three mini-notebooks for my whitecoat, an eraser, and something else. They are so slick and small yet hold a LOT of writing.

I then proceeded to have some Butternut Squash and Apple soup with multigrain bread (mmm) and then watched Garbage Dreams, a documentary about Cairo's trash collectors. There is a town of 60,000 where everyone there specializes in trash collecting and recycling. They recycle 80% of their trash! Until the foreign trash collectors moved in and took over, so much of the movie was on how the Zaballeen (the older trash collectors) try to adjust to all that. It was totally mind blowing and eye opening. Who knew?

Then I went to Banana, Gap, Jcrew (all epic fails), and finally H&M to get my friends some clothes. I probably get too excited about buying mens clothing, but it is sooooo much easier. I got one of them a blue cashmere sweater (half off) and a black scarf and the other one of those hipstery checkered scarves. I loveeeeeee them but I don't know if he himself can actually pull it off....

And yoga was awesome, as usual. I am a little bit better at lowering myself from Chaturanga pose, which is a vast improvement. It's sort of like doing a push up.

I am about to watch In Bruges and drink red wine. I've seen that movie about a million times and it never gets old. British dark comedy with beautiful cinematography and a plot. Three things I enjoy!

Photos that are gonna be made into 20x30 posters

This is just a classic seattle landscapy picture, which will hopefully look good in big-form.
We had a blizzard a few weeks ago. Coincidently, this was the last time I was going to be in Wash Heights for awhile, since all of my friends have now moved out of there. (It was a huge hub of awesomeness for the past two years...) So, dark, gloomy, my fav.
Classic amsterdam canal photo.

This is in a nightclub in amsterdam. I love the colors (why isn't that done more in the US?) and the swooshiness of it. Possibly not in 20x30 form, but, well, maybe...

Not too awful for someone who literally only takes real pictures once a year or so.

STAYCATION.

Actually, I wish I had gotten my act together and gone somewhere, but alas.

Yesterday I saw Sita Sings the Blues and Antichrist. I actually wasn't huge into either, but Sita was so well done and Antichrist was... different.

Sita Sings the Blues was a musical animated interpretation of the Indian story the Ramayana. Basically there are two gods that are reincarnated as human beings and they have relationship issues and its juxtaposed with modern-day relationship issues. And its told from the female perspective, in a kind of feministy way, but I hate it when that word is used to describe realistic portrayal. So, yeah. And a lot of the music in it is Annette Hanshaw, a 1920s jazz musician. So, woah. Beautifully done, especially since Nina Paley did essentially all of it (voice, animation, writing, directing, editing). I can't even imagine the hours put into it.

Antichrist on the other hand was this fucked up sadistic gross, yet kind of great, story that probably had some biblical symbolism to it, but my religion-majored friend said no not really, so, I guess not. It wasn't enough of a plot or enough sheer grotesque in it to be really compelling, so, yeah. But it was fun to watch it with people in a living room for free, and pause and rewind certain parts.

Gym: Yesterday I also ran two miles (first run in three weeks, so was just gonna take what I can). Today will be yoga day with Jeff Scios (http://www.jeffscios.com/), this amazing amazing yoga instructor. It's one of the highlights of my week, by far.

The weekly plan for now is:

Run x 2

Yoga x 1

Rowing machine/spinning x1

Elliptical x1

Usually I am a solid 3 day a week kind of gal so let's see if we can bump it up to five....

Reading: Found lolita, read 30 pages. I can't read much more than that at a time so this will probably go very slowly.

Let's try something new. Categories.

Latest: We had a party last night and far more people than I was expecting showed up. I don't know why, but each time things like that happen I am just so thankful and blown away that people actually enjoy my and each others company.

I have the next week off! I am going snowboarding for some of it, which a bunch of friends, so that will be great. And possibly going to philly as well or going hiking or something. It'll be my last time off until May! No sick days, no personal days :(

Film/Media: Still watching in Treatment. It's slow and talky, in a great way. It's really good that I have netflix rather than the entire season in front of me, because I really would lock myself up for two days and just watch it.

Music: I've been listening to "Too Young" by the secret handshake CONSTANTLY. It's so sappy and pathetic, but I love it. And a little bit of the strokes as well.

Reading: Lolita, once I figure out where I put it.

Writing: Hiatus. I need to install celtyx onto the computer & work on Autumn Sun, the long one about the girl who's struggling through life.

Gym: Huge hiatus. Tomorrow....

I spent a bit of time in North Carolina last week over break. I helped a very dear college friend move down there (oh my goodness she has a ton of things :P) & during the stay met a bunch of amazing people and hung out with hers and her roommate's families a bit. The best was new years with a bunch of strangers, more or less. Zero expectations and thus zero disappointment. They were all wayyy southern and certainly know how to drink and be super friendly. And have lots of incredibly unhealthy food around thus ensuring that I felt totally fine the next day. Brilliant!

I miss them! It's surreal and kind of awesome that said-college-friend is living in an alternate universe with a whole set of new friends. In the end we are all similar, but culturally it is certainly a change.

I finalllllly got netflix, however not much has been viewed on it in light of an exam on friday. GROSS. I have season 1, disc 1 of In Treatment waiting for me though. And I saw Welcome to the Dollhouse, which I HIGHLY recommend.

On mondays I go to this yoga class taught by this incredible guy named Jeff. I've probably been about 8 times now, give or take. He knows his shit and is so completely hardworking and dedicated. I guess I just notice weird things, but the class has the perfect combination of easy and hard, balance, strength, and flexibility. The music is always on par to the what we are doing. Granted he teaches a ton of yoga classes each week in various places so he only has to do the prep work once a week, but still.

So today he talked about how the purpose of going to the gym and being healthy is to make something good of it. It sounds really obvious, but I just thought of how often I go with the thought of punishment and not with the thought of how it will make my body feel better. It's kind of sad, really.

Latest awesome download is The Bouncing Souls. 90s punk rock!