LIFE: More freakouts. Apartment is set at least- we are staying month to month with the same rent on this one. Yay. We saw this wayyyy awesome one but it would only be about 60/mo cheaper, we would have to sign a 13 month lease, and, move. So, ultimately, no.

Today on my drive home from hospito I was actually in tears because I was just so frustrated with school/people/life. And, honestly, such a wonderful turn of events occurred because today turned out to be amazing. A high school friend of mine texted, we decided to go down to philly to see Thursday fairly last minute, we got so caught up in conversation that we just got lost. And it was really like 5 hours of talking, all in all, with a wondefulllll show interspersed in between. Amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0amAVKwF07M

I actually took a tiny bit of video but it's probably only something I would appreciate....

So, I thought about high school a lot, because that was the last time I saw them. That and some of their lyrics. "I don't want to feel this way forever". I guess I'm not the only one who has moments of frustration with how things are. So I thought about my dreams, and fuck, I'm doing damn well and have stayed damn true to myself in a med-school-world FILLED TO THE BRIM with annoying-shit. AND, get this, I think I made the right decision.

(I also thought about getting that line tattooed onto me...... )

GYM: 7 weeks! One good 10K and a faster 4mile run on treadmill, a shitty shitty 2 mile run on the waterfront (found a SWANKY path with million-plus-pier-condos though!), a fake yoga/pilates video (suckedddd), and a mediocre 4-5 miles in the park (with a break in the middle). So, not ideal, but I'll take it.

FOOD: okay, i need to restash my whole foods produce deliciousness tomorrow. mmmmm.

SCHOOL: oh.my.goodness. i am thankfully three weeks away from vacation-time though, which i should probablyyyy figure out.

WEE, update.

LIFE: I had minor freakouts this week, like the realization that I can't leave jersey city quite yet. At all. I mean, I knew this, but this was a "so mom, when I do away rotations and have to pay for rent in seattle/north carolina, want to pay my rent?" moment, which I absolutely did not want to do to her. But, I was crying, a lot, and maybe that's not good either. She replied with an extensive "if it means that you'll get a husband by being in a better area than my suburban house, then sure, but you need to take this seriously".

So, I'll take that as a yes? I don't know. She is a huge weirdo. So, now we are gonna look at a cheaper apartment a few blocks away. We have 5 days until we need to give our landlord a 1 month notice. Oh my goodnesssssss.

Also, the amount that I heartttttt my roommate and my friends is kind of great.

GYM: 6 weeks! Last week was all running, and it amounted to 15 miles. But, damn am I slowwwwww. One day. This week I need to do something other than just run though, probably.

FOOD: mmm. I am pretty good lately, but really, I can't cook anything that takes more than 5 minutes. One day....? (probably not).

SCHOOL: Fuck school. um, less than one more month of internal med. and i may be at the point in my studying that there's a chance of me not failing it, so, huge win.

In bed by midnight both weekend days. I figured taking a break and reflecting couldn't hurt.

I am stressed out to no end. Efffff. Why should I be though? I got a ton of work done. The project thats upcoming is definitely progressing along nicely, the usmleworld qbank is succumbing to my attacks.

Whatever.

I'm off to do an hour on the elliptical. I am too stressed out to run. I hate that! Hopefully tonight will be productive & i can calm down tomorrow. And watch Fargo, as that has been sitting on the coffeetable for weeks.

YEAH. In case it hasn't been noticeable, April has been a very very chill month. Wednesday half days, much of the work is classroom based (ie mindless), the patients and doctors I work with on tuesday and thursdays are my favoritest and its a PLEASURE going in. I actually feel okay about medical school and that I'm not swimming upstream, for once. It's so incredible.

(This will all change back in May & June though...)

The cons are once again, the dating scene. Now that I'm approaching three years without a real relationship, it sucks. I mean, I LOVE being single (& selfish!), but it just wears you down to not have someone to be intimate with emotionally. And, it wears me down because although I am dating, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and it seems like I'm doing it all wrong, and its frustrating as shit to constantly be fucking up with guys I LIKE. And it's annoying because I'm pretty optimistic and calm about everything else and I dont want to be that girl, you know? I hope residency offers a change of scenery or something helpful.

I am one day away from completing FIVE WEEKS of 5/wk workouts! I feel so so so much better and hope that I can maintain this as life gets more hectic (&miserable).

On monday I ran outside (as was written about). 4 miles apparently.

Tuesday was a quick indoor 2-miler in 20 minutes. Totally wasn't feeling it since it was after a 12 hour day.

Wednesday was my free trainer session at the gym, which was boxing. I LOVED IT. the time flewwww by. I know about uppercuts now!

Thursday was off. wednesday night may have consisted of whiskey shots....

Today was this weights/step/squats times a million class. It was torture, in the best way possible. I LOVED the instructor & should probably go every friday.

And look where I am today (friday) night. Doing usmleworld questions! Epic.

Tribeca Film Festival is coming up though! I couldn't go last year because of boards, but this year looks promising. I want to see the short films!

Other exciting May things include seeing Thursay and Small Brown Bike (I hope... this would depend on my call schedule) and two weeks of vacation (!!!). I need to plan that.

Also, I'm a bridesmaid! For a wedding in late June. So excited! (My mom however hates me for this, bc of the money aspect. What a party pooper!)

And, also, you know what though? In the past three single-years, I have learned so much and grown so much as a person and am at my awesomest, so maybeeeee I should just try to appreciate that. Or something.

Yeah I'm not really a blogger.

4 weeks of 5x/wk workouts though!

Running 4x & stairmaster/rowing machine combo 1x.

Today I ran outside and it was amazing. Lots of puppies out!

HOWEVER, with all of this, I am a bit stressed/feeling guilty about not focusing on school as much. Oh welllll.

Nothing eventful, really. Two dudes leave, two more cute guys in the horizon instantaneously. This is kind of cool for the "look I'm still young and awesome" but also annoying because the odds of either of them being legit is actually 0.

That and since I'm moving in a few months (:/ best roommate ever will be no more), and since the 4th years are moving in a month or two and will be MEGABUSY next year (it will suck. a lot. i have far more 4th yr friends than 3rd yr friends), I've been making it a point to spend as much time with everyone as possible. And recovering from those ventures. So no films... It's time to slow it down though.

Friday involved TWO house parties, yet still ended by 2. I drank 3 glasses of wine throughout the night, so not too bad.

This was to save my energy for the formal on saturday, where I may have had 3 drinks before dinner arrived. Oops. I mostly cut myself off after that. Though I missed desert because I don't really eat unhealthy things when I drink. It's kind of weird. So I got home at 1:30 and played with the rabbit and then talked my roommate into going to the bar down the street until we were the last ones there. And, sure, a tequila shot at 3am never hurt anyone, right? I'm sorry I do things like this to my body.

Then sunday was the yummiest brunch ever, except all I wanted to eat was carbs & butter. And a lot of them. Sigh. So lesson learned, I CAN undo a TON of gym-ness in 12 hours of time.

The Godiva was delicious! (Even better than my 85% dark chocolate? Maybe. That or I just needed something new).

I've been having actual weekends! With days off. PLURAL.

I completed three weeks of 5-a-week gym parties. I can now run 2 10-minute miles. And four miles in a bit under 11-minute miles. That's horrific compared to how awesome I used to be, but not bad considering how inactive I've been.

MOVIES. Um. I saw Wet Hot American Summer the other day. I need to watch all of the classics that I have never seen. Fargo and American Psycho need to be viewed next.

I also saw A Single Man. I was in tears by the end of the first line in that movie. Utterly brilliant amazing beautiful perfect movie. One of my now-favorites. And now we are up to three movies that have made me cry.

I went shopping and worked on my CV and caught up with friends. I need to study. I cannot wait for a point in my life when my weekends are pure carefree.

Yikes, NEGLECT.

I am on my internal medicine rotation and essentially I am BURNT to a crisp from medical school, but I feel better after having yesterday off and half of today off. By half of today off, I mean I worked 8 rather than my expected 13 hours.....

I saw Exploding Girl yesterday. I needed to do SOMETHING fun in the midst of a lot of cleaning/laundry/food shopping. The trailer is below, but I don't think it depicts this movie at all, really. There were certain things I LOVED about this movie, but also certain things that just annoyed me because it could be so perfect if there was just a bit more.... crust to it. A little less sweet.

So it's about this girl who comes home from her first year of college for the summer and her friend crashes at her apartment. All while her boyfriend from college (long distance) is getting deuchier and deuchier and she is being niceeeeee throughout the entire thing.

I LOVED it because there were lines in there that were straight out of my life, word for word. In a creepy way. (And I LOVED how an audience member said "deuchebag" to the screen when one of those instances was happening). And that's rather hard to depict in a film, I would think. But at the same time I don't think it lived up to the VERY high potential that it had. Still above average for a movie, but so close.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odwjZPKjyVo

I walked to and from the theater in VERY heavy rainfall and stopped by Whole Foods on the way back. Minus the excess rain, it was the perfect 4-hours... long walk through manhattan, passing the chair store (I loveeeee funky chair stores. they had a hanging one!), watching a quiet movie, buying groceries from whole foods, eating black bean soup upstairs, walking back, warm shower, etc, all while listening to good music w the headphones. Yay.

After I got home I went to the gym for a run. I love running but just dont do it enough because I am always too exhausted at the end of the day. It was just a 2.25 slow run, to ease into a hopefully run-full week.

Then I went to Madame Clause (http://www.madameclaudecafe.com/tour.htm), this beautiful reasonably priced homey french restaurant with my parents.

I had delicious french bread, then the Ratatouille & Goat cheese crepe with a salad followed by an apple tart topped with fresh homemade creme that we all split. So incredible.

We talked about the new gym that they joined (they go 5x week!) and, school... Better than them asking about whether or not I want to die alone, because if not, I should probably be a bit more on it....

They gave me a small box of Godivas. Usually I am a 85% dark chocolate gal but we'll give this a shot.