Ahhh.

So I am applying for residency next year (hence the interviews) and it came time to make the list (eek!), and its done. Based on my ordered list and the programs' ordered list, we will get a match come March 17th. (Mmm can taste the alcohol already).

And, apparently I am a SPAZZ and can't let two nearby areas touch on the rank list. So, this will be a suspenseful month. Yay....?

Also, this month has been my medicine acting internship. Which is a nice way of saying torture. I think everything other than physical pain is used to try to keep me in line. Actually, no, that too, if you consider the "ha, you cant eat till 2:30pm" as physical pain. I looked it up, its "abuse of power". Yes. I am hoping that they won't fail me so I won't have to endure any more than I have to. I hate 98% of it. The 2% I like consists of the interns, the other medical students, and the cool-as-hell witty old patients who make fun of us. Until they die, that is. :(. My fucking goodness, I am so glad that I am basically done with my school.

Also, winter led to winter funk. Not quite depression, but damn, I was lifeless. Now that the snow is melting, it is time to de-hibernate. Apparently the first phase of that is anger. Like, now that I have feelings again, they seem to consist of annoyance. Because everyone is annoying today. I DID go for an outdoor run for the first time in 4 months though. It was bad, but not horrible. But, reallllly bad.

ANYWAYS. Dinner today at this expensive vegan place and I'm not paying for it and its essentially my first valentinesy thing ever and I will drink a lot. The end.

FOOD.

So, its been a little while, but whatever. I have rediscovered how much I love food. It's always a battle between food and booze, but food has come forth.

UM. Okay.

Sometimes I forget this, but I had this epiphany that I have no money, and I should not only eat out less, but I shouldn't spend so much on convenience food (ie tv dinners) that I can make myself.

So, I made some seitan, which is what that delicious oily vegetarian duck is at thai places. Though mine is an unseasoned version of it and hopefully with some sesame oil and soy sauce and citrusy-ness, it will be edible. Shooting high here.

I also made Veggie Loaf, which will hopefully a) be edible and b) maybe taste like the Amy's version. It looks like it, at least. I need gravy though. Eh. But, that box is $5 on a good day and my recipe supposedly makes 10 servings for way less than $50. WIN. And, it wasn't that hard to make. 

Recent Purchases

Silk Madewell Shirt for Interview Suit:  I love it. It feels wonderful and makes me look like I might be a trustworthy person. (maybe). I like the navy so much better, but my suit is black, so we settled on this.

This is pretty similar to a dress I bought for the preinterview dinners. 




And this IS the dress. Yay. I <3 it.


  

 I didn't see or buy this, but I LOVE it in the picture. 
I guess I need the belt too!

Research Month

Well, it's not a 40 hour a week productive thing as I was secretly hoping it would be (I have this curse of doing tons of research with different people and never getting published. Because I am inherently too lazy to push it to publication. So this was going to be my chance! Except I remain lazy).

But I'm doing okay with it.

Yesterday I went shopping! With my mom (she is a weirdo...). So 97% of it was utter embarrassment as she told the saleslady that my legs were too fat, freaked out about nothing ("you need to wear WHITE SHIRTS to interviews, WHY are you looking at colors?"), and following me around from two feet away (which wouldn't be that bad, except I am an epic zigzagger when I shop). BUT, the other 3% were filled with her buying me over-priced awesomeness (love?) so that was pretty cool.

Apparently Madewell is totally awesome when you ignore the price tag. And utterly replaces Anthro as lust-fest, officially.
The things I bought aren't online yet, sadly... but should be one day?

Interviews!

Are terrifying. Yes. They are.

The good news is that it will entail me getting out.of.here (maybe), which is what I (maybe) superwant.

I went to whole foods today and did my "quick food" spree. Ugh. Frozen meals, bars, etc. I will cherish the day where I just live a stable life with a stable job and the time to cook and go to the gym enough.

Speaking of the gym, I am badddd. I took "a break" and now running a mile is challenging. But, oh well, I can't do anything other than pick myself up. I am considering signing up for the NY Half Marathon, just to give myself a goal. It's in march so not too bad, but also three days after the match, and maybe I will be in a puddle of tears at that time and not really into running a half marathon. Especially considering how on todays mile-venture I told myself that I hate running and any other future-Anna "no you don't" realization is just a lie. Hmm.

OKAY. Well. Interviews are actually really fun. And there is one that I am SO excited about and drool so much over and probably won't get, but maybe there is a 0.05% chance that my life will be awesome one day and that is cool. And, it's in a location that will be super fun to visit. Yes. I am jinxing.

Also, in other real news, I am stressed out as shit and I feel like no one cares, and, that may not be true, but it's making things kind of lonely? Though relationshipy thing is going super.well (a huge huge first for me).... it's not his place to be my rock. Yet. I don't know if that makes sense. Whatever, done... maybe something better one day.

Holy Break

Oops.
Well, I did a Psych ER rotation in an AMAZING west coast hospital, and a Psych Consult-Liason in superbusy INSANE New York hospital in the interum. LOVED West Coast, hated New York hospital. I have psych inpatient (again) at a different New York hospital next.

Regrets: Not doing an elective in something more interesting (addictions, forensics, child/adolescent). Though I did see forensic patients on CL. And addictions cases on ER and CL. But, you know...

I applied to 35 programs. Hahaha oops. But it means I am getting more interviews than annoying-kids-at-school (who applied to a normal amount of programs in a much more competitive field), which makes me feel super cool. Plus, the only reason I know where they get invites at is because they update their facebook with it constantly. Booyah.

Relationship hasn't gotten fucked up yet! Its almost been three months. That's an epic world record for me.

I am kind of sick, in that I'm stuffed up and energy-less. Normally I would be running around and being unfocused but this seems like a much better idea.

Today I made apple pie! Two of them. I am going to Bubby's Pie Social tomorrrow (you bring pies and donate money, those who dont bring pies donate more money, it all goes towards education which I love love love). You know how ridiculously time-consuming it is to core, peel, cut, slice 9 trillion pounds of apples? Very.

YAY

PSYCH AI is wonderful. Minus the part of my team only having six patients and most of them being homeless hostile paranoid schizophrenics. BUT, whatever, I am comfortable enough around them and that is a subset of the psych population that I will always have to deal with.

There is one with a personality disorder (not her main diagnosis, but possibly her main issue) and my goal for next week is to work with her a bit more. How? I have NO clue. I guess I will perhaps attempt to, you know, read something. Like, on Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

So what was this about the wonderful weekend?
RELATIONSHIP for the first time in over THREE YEARS.
Holy crap. This is fun and exciting and I wake up in the morning different. Like, perhaps, there is hope for the future....

I am overwhelmed though; the AI is harder than I thought (10 hour days), the film class requires four more papers in the course of three weeks, and I'm taking STEP 2 CS in a week and two days. (And I am BAD BAD BAD at standardized patient exams).

But, overwhelmed in a great way? By all of the things I love (minus CS)?

Hopefully CS isnt as big of a deal as I am making it out to be?