STAYCATION.

Actually, I wish I had gotten my act together and gone somewhere, but alas.

Yesterday I saw Sita Sings the Blues and Antichrist. I actually wasn't huge into either, but Sita was so well done and Antichrist was... different.

Sita Sings the Blues was a musical animated interpretation of the Indian story the Ramayana. Basically there are two gods that are reincarnated as human beings and they have relationship issues and its juxtaposed with modern-day relationship issues. And its told from the female perspective, in a kind of feministy way, but I hate it when that word is used to describe realistic portrayal. So, yeah. And a lot of the music in it is Annette Hanshaw, a 1920s jazz musician. So, woah. Beautifully done, especially since Nina Paley did essentially all of it (voice, animation, writing, directing, editing). I can't even imagine the hours put into it.

Antichrist on the other hand was this fucked up sadistic gross, yet kind of great, story that probably had some biblical symbolism to it, but my religion-majored friend said no not really, so, I guess not. It wasn't enough of a plot or enough sheer grotesque in it to be really compelling, so, yeah. But it was fun to watch it with people in a living room for free, and pause and rewind certain parts.

Gym: Yesterday I also ran two miles (first run in three weeks, so was just gonna take what I can). Today will be yoga day with Jeff Scios (http://www.jeffscios.com/), this amazing amazing yoga instructor. It's one of the highlights of my week, by far.

The weekly plan for now is:

Run x 2

Yoga x 1

Rowing machine/spinning x1

Elliptical x1

Usually I am a solid 3 day a week kind of gal so let's see if we can bump it up to five....

Reading: Found lolita, read 30 pages. I can't read much more than that at a time so this will probably go very slowly.

Let's try something new. Categories.

Latest: We had a party last night and far more people than I was expecting showed up. I don't know why, but each time things like that happen I am just so thankful and blown away that people actually enjoy my and each others company.

I have the next week off! I am going snowboarding for some of it, which a bunch of friends, so that will be great. And possibly going to philly as well or going hiking or something. It'll be my last time off until May! No sick days, no personal days :(

Film/Media: Still watching in Treatment. It's slow and talky, in a great way. It's really good that I have netflix rather than the entire season in front of me, because I really would lock myself up for two days and just watch it.

Music: I've been listening to "Too Young" by the secret handshake CONSTANTLY. It's so sappy and pathetic, but I love it. And a little bit of the strokes as well.

Reading: Lolita, once I figure out where I put it.

Writing: Hiatus. I need to install celtyx onto the computer & work on Autumn Sun, the long one about the girl who's struggling through life.

Gym: Huge hiatus. Tomorrow....

I spent a bit of time in North Carolina last week over break. I helped a very dear college friend move down there (oh my goodness she has a ton of things :P) & during the stay met a bunch of amazing people and hung out with hers and her roommate's families a bit. The best was new years with a bunch of strangers, more or less. Zero expectations and thus zero disappointment. They were all wayyy southern and certainly know how to drink and be super friendly. And have lots of incredibly unhealthy food around thus ensuring that I felt totally fine the next day. Brilliant!

I miss them! It's surreal and kind of awesome that said-college-friend is living in an alternate universe with a whole set of new friends. In the end we are all similar, but culturally it is certainly a change.

I finalllllly got netflix, however not much has been viewed on it in light of an exam on friday. GROSS. I have season 1, disc 1 of In Treatment waiting for me though. And I saw Welcome to the Dollhouse, which I HIGHLY recommend.

On mondays I go to this yoga class taught by this incredible guy named Jeff. I've probably been about 8 times now, give or take. He knows his shit and is so completely hardworking and dedicated. I guess I just notice weird things, but the class has the perfect combination of easy and hard, balance, strength, and flexibility. The music is always on par to the what we are doing. Granted he teaches a ton of yoga classes each week in various places so he only has to do the prep work once a week, but still.

So today he talked about how the purpose of going to the gym and being healthy is to make something good of it. It sounds really obvious, but I just thought of how often I go with the thought of punishment and not with the thought of how it will make my body feel better. It's kind of sad, really.

Latest awesome download is The Bouncing Souls. 90s punk rock!

SNOW.

It did that, a lot.

I've been able to catch up on very satisfying cleaning (yes, my life has hit a low...). I also saw one of my friends for the last time in a long time, if not ever. It went okay. I am definitely much better at letting go than I once was.

I watched Uncertainty the other night. It was this incredibly done movie that centered around a young couple. They flipped a coin whether to spend the day (as well as night and the next morning) in Brooklyn or in Manhattan and the film alternated between the two locations. Brooklyn was spend at a BBQ with her family, Manhattan was an action-filled thing where they found a phone and two Asian gangstas were fighting for the phone and lots of money and guns were involved.

But, more central to the theme was that she was 11-weeks pregnant and couldn't make the decision whether to keep the child or not. The Uncertainty is more about that. It's a theme that seems to be common in film these days, but this was so tactfully done. I mean, it's one thing to have it be a keep it vs. adoption argument... but a keep it vs. abort it argument seems like it would be far more realistic. I don't think it would be more difficult of a decision to make, but I think it's a very different more dichotomous decision.

I also love it when filmmakers use new strategies. This one was unscripted. The backbone and overall theme was obviously very well thought out and planned, but the actual lines were up to the actors. Which made it less "oh what a good line"-y, but made it far more realistic and underwhelming, in a great way.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1086216/

I just got a new computer, so this will finally be much much easier.

I've been downloading a lot of old and new music, thinking about transitions. I feel like I am at a good point in my life. It may last a month, it may last years, I really have no idea. It's honestly very unnerving to have it in your mind that things can always just sink and sink and sink.

I listened to some Minor Threat for the first time, because apparently they were a huge influence on Bane. It's very surreal. I definitely see the influence and it's completely amazing. They started the entire straight edge movement (not smoking, not drinking, no 'fucking', not as a means of "not sinning", but as a means of connecting with other people without barriers/an excuse). I am by no means even remotely straight edge, but I respect the principle behind the movement a lot.

I guess transition-wise, when I was in high school, I had the whole world in front of me. I was patient, I knew the right things would come with time. I had no qualms about spending lots of time with myself & appreciated the good traits that I have, because as I thought that as I would advance in life, more and more people will slowly appreciate them as well. That went on for a bit, but at 23, I am losing patience sometimes. But at other times, there is still that optimism.

It's pretty sad that I only have two days of psych left until June...

I think the best part by far was getting to know the outpatient substance abuse dudes at the VA in group. Just such a great group of motivated individuals & I already miss them. They all love and support each other so much and they were so inviting towards me, and also so so smart & motivated. I also feel like after six weeks of this, I see how much potential every homeless person has underneath everything...

I have a hard time with too much free time. It's really awful, I wish I could just enjoy myself more sometimes. However, I think I have and am coming such a long way and I am almost excited to get older.

I've been listening to a lot of At the Drive In, Of Montreal, & a little bit of The Decemberists Lately. Of Montreal has this ridiculously incredible song called Gallery Piece, lyrics below.

I also went to the plant store (why have I not discovered such a thing sooner?) and bought this amazing plant. I will attach a picture of it some day. It's so incredibly beautiful, in a way that only certain people would appreciate. I just look at it and keep getting more and more blown away, as ridiculous as that is.

I am pretty certain I will continue the screenwriting class. I have about 14 pages of the long piece done and it is totally incredible to create complex multifaceted characters and have them interact with one another and all that. And creating a new city & buildings & clothes in your mind is also surprisingly awesome.

As for movies, I rewatched After School. That shit is sick and brilliant and I LOVE the tree shots in the fall. It doesn't take much sometimes...

I guess if I really cared aka thought anyone other than me would ever read this, I would be a bit more descriptive/pictureful, but, alas.

Of Montreal- Gallery Piece

I want to be your love
I want to make you cry
And sweep you off your feet
I want to hurt your pride
I want to slap your face
I want to paint your nails
I want to make you scream
I want to braid your hair
I want to kiss your friends
I want to make you laugh
I want to dress the same
I want to defend you
I want to squeeze your thighs
I want to kiss your eyelids
And corrupt your dreams
I want to crash your car
I want to scratch your cheeks
I want to make you sick
I want to sell you out
Want to expose your flaws
I want to steal your things
I want to show you off
I want to tell you lies
I want to write you books
I want to turn you on
I want to make you come
200 times a day
I want to dry your tears
Every time you're sad
I want to be your what's happening
I want to be your only friend

I only go all the way
This time I'm not pretending
I can't take the trash
Your trashy friends are spreading about us
They got like V.D. personalities
Oh girl, that's so messed up
You see that sculpture on the hill?
That's where she queered me out forever
They're monitoring my subconscious massacres, I know
Bringing it closer to the surface so it's easily pervertable

I want to be a beast
I want to make you proud
And play with your head
I want to take you out
Make you feel adored
And buy you everything
I want to hurt you bad
Make you paranoid
And say the sweetest things
I want to help you grow
And for eternity
I want to be your what's happening
What's happening

I see car bombs in your eyes
(clap your hands, clap clap)
(can you sing it?)
I hear angels apologize

I just saw "A Serious Man" and it was pretty darn good. I wasn't totally blown away though, but I guess I've seen enough weird shit that it would be hard for something to blow me away. I would still definitely recommend it though, obviously.